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Friday, October 4, 2013

The Day of Miracles

This day is very emotional for me to write about, even two weeks later.  I always believed in miracles, but after this day, we were a witness to an amazing one and will never forget it.

Thursday, September 19 was our day to get discharged from the hospital.  We asked our nurse in the morning what time she thought we would get to leave.  She said she wasn't sure, but that we had to stay until the pediatrician came around and checked the baby and gave us the "ok."  She didn't think he/she would get there until the afternoon.

It was a pretty relaxing day.  I actually had a bad reaction to my pain killer and got extremely dizzy late in the morning and ended up resting/sleeping for at least 3 hours until my head wasn't spinning.  Ben spent a few hours at home getting things done around the house and the yard- it was a gorgeous day outside.  It reached high 70's by late afternoon.

After lunch time, I was feeling much better and had some sweet time to spend with my little love muffin.  Ben came back after lunch and we waited for the pediatrician to come around.  I wasn't in a big hurry to get home until after we had made plans for the evening.  Ben was going to take Chloe and Mitchell to their open house at school so he could meet their teachers for the first time, then run Mitch to soccer practice afterwards if there was time.  As the afternoon passed by, I kept watching the clock thinking that if we wanted to get home (in traffic), we'd need to leave soon to have time to eat dinner before the events of the evening.  I kept texting my mom, letting her know that we still hadn't seen the pediatrician and didn't know when we'd be leaving.  She told us she hoped it was soon, as the kids were very anxious to see us.

Around 3:45 p.m., the pediatrician finally made it.  She apologized for taking so long.  She and her partners are over this hospital and another close hospital (Auburn), and she had gotten held up in Auburn taking care of a sick baby.  Having had a sick baby at the NICU in Auburn, I was totally empathetic and could appreciate the doctor spending the time with the babies who really needed her attention. 

She gave Livy a quick check and declared her fit to be released to go home!  Just minutes after she left, my nurse came in with paper work and discharge instructions.  It was almost exactly 4:00 p.m. by this time and I knew we'd have to hurry to make it home and follow our schedule.

While the nurse was talking to me, Ben's phone rang and since we were in the middle of talking, he took the phone call in the bathroom so as not to interrupt our conversation.

When he didn't come back for a number of minutes, I wondered who he was talking to.  As the nurse and I quieted down our conversation for a second, I was able to hear that Ben was still on the phone in the bathroom and I was able to overhear his conversation.  I very clearly overheard him tell the other person, "I need to go.  My daughter was just in an accident and the ambulance is on their way."

Still in a somewhat fragile (and very sore) condition, I jumped up from my bed, leaving Olivia in the watchful care of the nurse, and hobbled back to the bathroom, my heart pounding, as fast as I could.  I opened the door to the bathroom just as Ben was just finishing up with another phone call.  With tears already in my eyes I said frantically, "What happened?  You have to tell me right now."

I really didn't want to hear what happened.  I knew that if it was serious enough for an ambulance, it wasn't going to be a skinned knee.  I will never forget the next words that Ben said to me.  In a very calm voice he said, "Leah had an accident.  She fell out of her bedroom window."

My heart dropped to my stomach and my hands came up to my face.  I immediately started sobbing.  I remember the only thing I could say was "No, no.  This can't be happening."  He told me my mom had been the first phone call, telling him about the accident.

My mom's account of the story:

Leah, Alexis and Mitchell were upstairs playing in Mitchell's room after school.  Everything was going well until my mom heard yelling and screaming coming from upstairs.  She thought the kids had seen through the window that Ben and I were pulling up and that they were excited.  My mom said she ran up to Mitch's room with a smile on her face, feeling excited for them.  When she got up to his room, she immediately noticed that one of the windows was open, the screen was knocked out, and that Alexis was not there.  Mitch and Leah told my mom "Lexi fell out the window!"  (Note: We don't know who made the mix up, but Ben was under the impression that it was Leah who had fallen, but it was actually Lexi.)  My mom ran downstairs and outside immediately, saying she was just sick about what she was going to find.  Even though she knew it was Mitchell's window she had fallen out of, she was thinking in her mind that it was the twins' window (both of which are 2.5 stories high, on the same floor).  Thinking it was their own window, she looked out over the driveway when she went outside.  When she didn't see Lexi, she searched around and found her laying, and crying on a patch of bark 2.5 stories below the window.  When my mom got to her, she was miraculously sitting up and moving limbs.  My mom said she did not look well though- she was very pale and a grayish color.  The ledge where she landed was high off the ground and my mom knew she could climb up there if she needed to, but Lexi was actually able to scoot over to her and my mom scooped her up and took her inside the house.

Once inside, she laid her down on the carpet and contemplated calling Ben first, but then decided she needed to call 911 immediately.  They sent a firetruck, an ambulance and a policeman out.  It was while they were waiting for the ambulance to arrive that my mom called Ben to tell him the news.  Ben immediately started calling around to find a man home at that time of day that would be able to come over and give Lexi a blessing before she was taken to the hospital.  Luckily, one of the men who works from home (and who lives super close) was able to come over.  Lexi was covered in bark and had bark pieces stuck all over on her legs and in her pants.  She was complaining most about how painful the slivers were.  My mom did the best she could to get off access bark off and even changed her underwear to make her more comfortable.

The paramedics strapped her to a board and taped her head down so that she couldn't move (to prevent further injury).  She was given a blessing by our ward friend and during this time the policeman, without my mom's knowledge or consent, questioned the kids about what happened.  He also went up to Mitchell's room and took pictures of the scene of the accident to file in a police report (standard procedure).  He later told my mom, "The kids' stories are the same- that's a good thing."  As Mitch later told us, and as Alexis confirmed, they were up in his room playing.  Lexi saw some bugs outside and wanted to get a closer look at them.  The window was already open (Mitch is the only one of the three of them that could have possibly opened it) and Lexi went over and climbed up on the window sill and sat down to get a better look.  The bugs were outside and she must have leaned on the window screen to get a better look.  Mitchell said that she fell out back first, from a sitting position.

All of the medical personnel there noticed, as my mom had, that Lexi was moving all of her limbs, she was conscious and talking (never lost consciousness), and seemed to be doing really well.  That was the info that Ben and I were given while we were at OUR hospital- "she seems to be doing well- she's moving and talking and stable."  This was actually NOT a reassurance for me at all.  Not having seen Lexi in person, I thought we were being told all of this to keep us calm.  As I sat in my hospital bed and sobbed, I kept thinking, "There is no way that she can be doing 'well'.  There is no way that she is 'fine.'  She fell 20+ feet out of a window onto the ground."  We were not aware at the time that she landed on dirt and bark- we thought she landed on cement.  Even after finding out where she landed, I still was just sure that she would have some, if not many, critical, life threatening or permanent injuries.  There is just no way you can fall that distance and walk away completely uninjured.  And the possibility of her not surviving was still weighing heavy on my mind.  Just because she was stable for the time being didn't mean things couldn't change in a heartbeat.  I wasn't being pessimistic.  I just thought it best that I be prepared for the absolute worst.

After our friend from our ward arrived and Lexi was strapped down, it was time to take off for the hospital.  Either the EMT or paramedic asked my mom "Who is going to stay with the other children?" My mom, who had been so focuses on Lexi this entire time had honestly not thought about this.  Luckily, our friend Steve who had come over immediately jumped in and said, "I'll be staying with them."  My mom rode in the ambulance with Lexi and they were taken to Auburn Regional Medical Center- the hospital Lexi had been born at.

Mean time, I was a mess at my hospital.  We knew very few details and I was just heartbroken and hysterical.  I walked out of the bathroom back to the main room where the nurse and my precious newborn were waiting.  I was still sobbing and not able to communicate much.  The nurse knew something terrible had happened and in between sobs, I tried to fill her in as best I could.  I was completely shocked at this point- things like this just don't happen to YOU.  They always happen to other people.  Who brings home a new baby from the hospital on the same day their tiny little 3 year old falls out a window and is in critical condition at the hospital?

Going home from the hospital with a new baby is always such a fun thing for me.  I bring a brand new "going home" outfit for the baby to wear and we get lots of pictures in the new outfit, in the carseat, a picture with Ben, a picture with me, a family shot, etc.  It's always something we do at leisure.  Not this time.  This "going home" experience was completely different.  I was so distraught and upset that I couldn't even get my own baby dressed in her going home outfit.  Our sweet nurse didn't even wait to be asked- she got Olivia dressed and even put her in her car seat for us.  Ben and I quickly shoved all of our stuff into our overnight bags and got it ready to leave.


I couldn't not take any pictures.  Despite the tragedy, Livy still needed a photo to document this occasion, although I didn't know how anxious I would be to look at this picture in the future, as it would always bring back the memory of Lexi's accident.

I loved this little lady bug hat and matching outfit when I picked it out at the store.  Even with tears in my eyes, she looked adorable that day.

We were quite the scene leaving the hospital.  I was in a wheelchair carrying our bags, with our nurse pushing me out.  Ben was carrying Olivia.  I was still sobbing as we left.  As the nurse wheeled me through the hospital, people saw us with our new baby and congratulated me as we passed.  When they saw me crying uncontrollably, I'm sure they thought "Wow!  Now there is one postpartum/emotional mom!" 

Outside it was a gorgeous day- close to eighty and I worried that Olivia would be too warm in her outfit.  I thought how ironic it was to have been such beautiful weather on an emotionally stormy day. 

We all got buckled in the car, profusely thanked our nurse for her kindness, and off we sped, as fast as we legally could, from one hospital to another.  The tears would not stop coming.  I could not stop thinking about Alexis falling out that window and I was just sick in my stomach.  I know how high that fall was- we've only been in that house for 10 months, but the height of that top story was one of the first things we noticed about the house when we moved in.  And, as I told our nurse as she discharged us, "She's just so little!"  Too little to be falling that high up. 

The freeway at 4:15 was just as we'd expected- slammed with traffic.  We were lucky to be able to travel in the carpool lane, but it still was taking way more time than we could stand.  The only thing I could do was pray.  I prayed that Lexi might live, and if she was allowed to live that the injuries she would have would be something we would be able to deal with and accept.

Miraculously, there was front row parking at the hospital, right in front of the emergency room.  We were able to unload the 3 of us quickly.  We passed by and EMT, who was standing by the ambulance entrance of the ER.  We asked him if we might be able to go in that entrance, and explained that our daughter was just brought in by ambulance.  He asked if it was "Lexi" and we said yes, and were immediately let in.

We were told that she was in Trauma Room 4 and were led back there immediately.

My tears had stopped for the moment, until I walked in that room and saw my baby girl strapped to a board, laying on a hospital bed.  I saw my mom standing there and knowing what she and Lexi had been through that day, I immediately started crying again.  I kind of collapsed into my mom's arms for a quick embrace, before leaning over the table to talk to my sweet Lexi girl.  She had been calm up until she saw me start to cry, and then she started to cry.  I quickly wiped away my tears and tried to be calm for her sake.

She was already hooked up to many monitors, and soon after we got there they put an IV in her, just in case.  She cried when they put the IV in.  Her tears broke my heart.  Ben was pulled out almost immediately after we got there to be questioned by a police officer.  I know it was all standard procedure, but Ben barely even got to say hi to Lexi and then was gone for at least 20 minutes, if not more.  I just wished they could have let him spend more time with her before they pulled him away.

It was absolutely amazing to see Lexi in the condition they told us.  She was completely alert and speaking in full, understandable sentences.  With amazement, I watched as she moved all of her limbs and even shifted her body on the table, all on her own.  She looked exhausted though and very nervous.  But I will never forget how brave and sweet she was.  The doctors kept telling her that she was the bravest, best person they had taken care of in the hospital that day, and I really don't think they were just saying that.  After all she'd been through, that little 3 year old was acting calm and mature beyond her years.

The doctor came in a bit later to unstrap her from the board and roll her over so they could look at the back of her body.  I got very nervous as they unstrapped her and began to roll her on her side.  I was sure that we were going to see a crushed back, or at least some evidence of broken or damaged bones.  There was nothing.  As only a mother could, I noticed a small hole in the seam of her shirt, and some bark and dirt, but that was it.  After a careful look over, the doctor could find nothing as well and they took the board out from underneath her and she was able to lay on her bed unassisted, besides her monitors, IV and a neck brace.


Our brave little soldier. 

She hated the neck brace- it came up over her chin and mouth and it was so uncomfortable for her.  We were told she couldn't take it off until after they got a CT scan of her.

She was so worn out.  The look in her eyes was enough to make you want to break down.

Ben was able to go back with her when they did the CT scan.  They scanned her from her head to her pelvis.  They didn't include the legs, as they could see that she was moving them just fine and from observing and touching could detect no breaks.  They were gone for quite some time.  Ben said while they were getting the scan done, Lexi told him, "I don't want anymore windows in my bedroom."

The results from the CT scan took quite awhile to get back.  We just hung out in the room while we waited.

In the 3.5 hours we were there, Olivia was such a trooper.  She ate once, then peacefully slept in her car seat the rest of the time.

The doctor that night was awesome.  He was so kind and patient and did so well with Lexi.  He asked her numerous times to tell him where she hurt.  The only complaint of pain she gave him was on her legs- and she meant all the slivers that were stuck in her.  The doctor got out tweezers and tape and tried to get out as many of the slivers as he could.

Sweet Olivia, being such a good girl.

With Ben's help, they were able to get many of the slivers out to try and ease her pain. 

Finally, some results came back.  The CT scan of her head and brain came back completely normal.  No injury to the skull or brain, including no internal bleeding or anything.  Amazing. 

When we found out her neck had no injuries (amazing), they took off the neck brace.  Lexi fell asleep soon after that, while we waited for the results of her back.

Lexi and the panda bear they gave her.  She quickly named it "Olivia."  (A few days later she changed its name to "Spike.")

All of the results were finally in- everything came back completely normal.  It was mind blowing.  Alexis had no injuries to show except a few scratches on her leg, a hole in her shirt, and slivers all over.  If that isn't a miracle, I don't know what is.  The doctor and nurses kept saying over and over, "She is made of rubber!"  None of us could believe it.  It just didn't make sense in my head.  How do you fall that far and come out completely unscathed?  I almost wanted to tell them to rerun the scans, that it couldn't be right.  I felt almost guilty that nothing was wrong because who's to say we deserve a blessing of that magnitude?  I knew Lexi deserved it, but I didn't know about us.

Before they could release us to go home, they wanted to see her walk.  She was dead asleep and waking her was so sad.  She did not want to wake up and she definitely did not want to walk.


Ben held her and we talked her into walking for us.  She cried the entire time and was shaky on her feet, mostly because she was so sleepy and out of it.  But she walked and that was all they needed to see.  We could go home!  I never thought we would be leaving the hospital that night- at least not with Lexi with us.

We were leaving the hospital with 2 miracles- our sweet newborn who was perfect in every way, and Lexi, who really had defied all odds that day.  Leaving an ER after falling 2.5 stories alive and with no permanent or life threatening injuries.  Miraculous.  Amazing.  Unbelievable.  I was in shock.  And so overcome with gratitude.

Baby Olivia with Olivia/Spike the bear- ready to leave her second hospital that day.

As we packed up to go home, we realized that since Alexis had ridden to the hospital in an ambulance, we didn't have a car seat for her.  The hospital didn't have one we could borrow, so Ben had to run home and get her car seat. 

A very kind nurse who had helped with Lexi helped us out to the waiting room.  Lexi really wanted me to carry her (and boy did I want to, too!), but just having had a C-section, I had to have my mom carry her.  I asked the nurse if he could carry Olivia in her car seat out there as well.  Once he got us situated, he asked if Lexi wanted anything to eat or drink.  He brought back a cup of apple juice and a popsicle.

She enjoyed both.

When Ben got back, we loaded our two miracles in the van, then headed straight for Lowe's.  Ben went in and bought permanent locks for all of our high windows.  No one is ever going to fall out of our windows ever again. 

We asked Lexi if there was anything she wanted to eat and she said ice cream.  We stopped by Dairy Queen and got her a blizzard.  She ate one bite and gave it back to me, then fell asleep.

We stopped by our friend's house and picked up the other kids around 9:00 p.m.  We couldn't thank him and his family enough for watching our other kids for nearly 5 hours.

It was past everyone's bedtime and I knew that every one need to be in bed soon (what a long afternoon for us all!) but we didn't want to feel rushed.  The 3 kids who had been away from us all evening needed some attention and we wanted to make sure they got caught up on what was going on.  I was so afraid that the other kids would be traumatized by the accident.  We were very thankful that Chloe did not witness the accident- she has a very hard time with seeing disturbing images and can become very emotional and distraught very quickly.  I still thought she would be very emotional about all of it, but she was amazingly calm.  Leah and Mitchell, who witnessed the accident first hand, were amazingly calm as well.  That was a small miracle to me.

Ben gave Lexi a warm bath to help clean her off and try and loosen any remaining slivers she might have.  She was very quiet but very pleasant.  She didn't really want to talk about anything, especially the accident.

As I was helping her into her pajamas, Ben started putting the locks on the windows.  There was no way either one of us would be able to sleep that night until those windows were safely and securely locked.  He put locks on Mitch and the twins' windows, and some on the guest room window as well.  As Lexi watched Ben do this, she kept asking "What is daddy doing?"  As I explained that he was "fixing" the windows so that no one could open them and fall out, she said "Why?"  She seemed to have no scary thoughts about falling out the window and was very surprised that we were locking them.

Even though she had no serious injuries, I knew she had to be sore.  I gave her a dose of Tylenol and Ibuprofen before bed.  I hated leaving her in her bed, right next to the room of the accident and knowing there were 2 big windows in her room as well.  I knew they were securely closed and she couldn't get hurt, but leaving her alone seemed weird.  Ben thought about sleeping in their room with them, but didn't.

Chloe desperatley wanted to hold Olivia before bed.  I was so sad that we didn't have the entire evening together so she could have held her more.  But she was thrilled with being able to hold her for a half hour or so.  Boy am I so excited to have my baby helper back again.  She was AMAZING with the twins when they were small and I know she'll be great again.

Olivia's first night in her own bed.  She looked so small in that big old bed.

I slept that night, but not very well.  Every time I woke up to get the baby or to go to the bathroom, I immediately thought of Lexi falling out that window.  I was just sick.  I woke up Ben at one point and asked him to go check on her.  I knew that all of the scans had come back normal, but what if they missed something?  What if there was something internal that they overlooked and its complications kicked in during the night?  Ben checked on our miracle, and she was fine.  I snuggled our other miracle that night in bed and switched back and forth from feeling sick about the accident (and picturing it over and over again), to feeling extremely blessed.

It was truly amazing to watch Lexi the next day.  We could tell she was a bit sore and stiff and she finally told us that something hurt a little bit- her left ankle.  She walked with a limp for the next 2 weeks.  (Even today she has a slight limp, but it has gotten so much better.)  But to watch her even walk around, to see her breathing, to watch her smile and play- Ben and I were overcome with emotion to see her alive and well and we can't even begin to describe our gratitude to a loving Heavenly Father who spared her life for reasons we may never know.

Alexis kept her hospital band on for a number of days.  She did not want to take it off.

When Ben came home the night of the accident to get her car seat, he said he pulled up in the driveway and saw the spot where she landed and the window she had fallen from.  He said seeing it in person, and especially to see it by himself, was very overwhelming and emotional.  When I pulled up to the house later that evening, I couldn't even look at the spot.  I couldn't even go into Mitchell's room and had no desire to look out the window.

The next morning, Ben went out and took pictures of everything.  I had to work up the courage to go out and look at everything.  It was very emotional and overwhelming to actually see the height/distance she fell.  And to see where she fell was truly a sight to see.  It was absolutely an unexplained miracle to see where she fell.

The top window that is half cut off is where she fell (the window on the right).

A view of the window, plus the landing spot below.


Her landing spot.  The reason it is so amazing is look at the tiny spot she fell into that didn't have rocks or walls.  If you look closely you can see the disturbed part of the bark where she landed.  On every side of her, within inches, was either a large rock, a rock wall, or a ledge.


If she had landed a few inches in any other direction, she would have fallen on rocks or onto the driveway.  We don't know how she landed exactly- by the time my mom got to her she was already sitting up.  Lexi doesn't love to talk about it- she gets embarrassed and shy and just doesn't like it talk about it.  But she did tell us she landed on her back, bum and legs.  We don't know how that is possible without hitting any rocks or ledges.  All we can say is that it's a miracle.  We don't know how, even without hitting any rocks or ledges, how she came away with no injuries.  Landing on bark even, from that distance, should have severely injured her.  All we can say is that it's a miracle.

Our two miracles, with Spike!

We have asked Alexis a dozen times if she saw any angels that day.  She always tells us no, but we know without a doubt that there were angels with her that day, catching her and with her the entire time.

Leah later asked us, "Is Ariel an angel?"  I said "No, why?"  Leah responded, "She was there with Lexi, helping her."  So according to Leah, Lexi had a red headed angel with as she fell.  I don't doubt any of it.

I had an appointment at my doctor's office last week, which is right next door to the ER.  I'm still amazed that Lexi isn't still in that hospital.

Ambulance entrance where we all went in.

This picture doesn't show it very well, but 1 week after the accident, Lexi's leg that she said hurt finally bruised.  She has been limping around the house for 2 weeks, but gets more movement back every day.  She must have sprained it pretty badly.  She has a hard time going up and down stairs, as she has to put full weight on the ankle and for a few days after the accident, she would ask to be carried up and down stairs.  She didn't run for a number of days afterwards and now that she's getting more movement back, she has a cute little run mixed in with a limp.

Lexi has actually been kind of feisty since the accident.  Things that she would normally do without a fuss, she now gets upset about or throws a fit about doing.  It gets frustrating at times, but I do have to admit that amidst her crankiness, I often just look at her and am so amazed and grateful that she's even here to be cranky with me.  I watch her hobble up and down stairs, or sweetly tell me "My leg feels better today!" and I am over come with gratitude that we were blessed to get to keep her on this earth a little longer.  When she and Leah are playing together and exclaim to each other "You're my best buddy!", I get very emotional and just know that these two are supposed to be here, together.  Twins are supposed to be together and I have to think that Lexi was spared partly for the sake of her twin sister.  I can't imagine having one of them without the other.  Thinking about that not being the case makes me crazy.  We don't know much, but we do know that a loving Heavenly Father and his angels were watching out for our family that day.  I feel blessed each and every day that Lexi is with us and cannot express enough gratitude that she was spared any and all serious injuries.  We call her "Miracle Lexi" a lot and while she doesn't like it very much, we can't help it.

Do you believe in miracles?  We sure do!  We got two of them in one week.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Hospital Stay

I used to really not like my hospital stays after I had babies.  With Chloe and Mitch's deliveries, we couldn't wait to get home and be done with the hospital.  I never got any sleep there, the food wasn't great, and there was always somebody up in our business- touching, poking, prodding, etc.

With the twins' delivery, we actually didn't mind the hospital stay.  I found out that it was a nice way to enjoy my babies all alone (with no small children).  And with C-sections requiring a longer stay in the hospital, I found that once you get past the first night, the following nights were much better- nurses came in much less after the first night and things really quieted down.  I'm always glad to go home and be all together as a family, but I have enjoyed the quiet alone time that Ben and I get with just our new, sweet baby. 

"Dr." Ben checking on little Livy.

Couldn't you just kiss those cheeks?  I do- every day!  And this picture especially makes her look so, so big.  It was amazing how much smaller she was (and still is) in person.

Papa got to stop by one more time and visit the little miss before flying back to Idaho.

Livy was perfect the day she was born- so mellow and content.  She was a great nurser from the get go and was happy to nurse when I offered, but totally happy to just sleep as well.  But on Day 2, she started to realize she was hungry, and with my milk supply not being in yet, our little sweetheart got very impatient.  She wanted to nurse all the time, yet would get very frustrated when she didn't get much (if anything) out.  We finally decided to give our "starving" big girl a bottle.  She loved it and gulped it down in minutes.  Later the nurse told us that they don't want newborns to drink more than 1 ounce at a time.  Yet the bottle of formula they gave me was 2 ounces.  We weren't worried about it- we've always had BIG eaters.

Olivia and I taking a much needed nap one afternoon.  When no one needs to take vitals or poke us, our room was very quiet and the perfect place to rest.  I loved having nothing to do for 3 days besides rest and take care and snuggle my sweet girl.

Grandma brought the kids by again the second day after school.  They were just as excited as the first day.  This baby has 4 of the best admirers around.  She is going to be smothered with love.
Grandma with my two youngest girls!  Lexi has been dethroned as the baby of the family.  She's taken  it like a champ!

Being the only boy in the family will be good for this guy- he'll be the best protector of 4 sisters!


The sweet face I got to stare at all day long.  That was my only job. :)



Monday, September 30, 2013

A Birth Story

This birth story started weeks ago- for me, anyhow.  Having had a surprise/emergency C-Section with one of the twins last delivery, I knew going into this pregnancy that there would be choices to be made on the method of delivery.  My doctor has told me for years that I would be a good candidate for a VBAC.  I was glad to hear that, as that was my preferred option.  I knew there were risks involved in having a VBAC, but wasn't fully aware of all of the requirements in order to have one.  I went into this pregnancy, and about 5 months or so into it, thinking that a VBAC was going to be totally possible and quite simple for me.  I've had 3 babies the "normal" way- my body knows how to do it.  So when I found out late in my pregnancy just how many things had to happen in order for a VBAC to even be a possibility, I started to worry.  

I learned that I cannot be induced- no methods that had worked in my past deliveries would be allowed: no pitocin, no medicine to help dilate/thin my cervix, nothing.  I had to go into active labor on my own, which has never really happened for me.  I don't dilate early, EVER (even with twins) and the only "help" my doctor could give me (stripping my membranes) would require me to dilate on my own before delivery.  I knew my chances were not likely, but it could happen, right??  I was discouraged and extremely hopeful, all at the same time.

C-sections are not bad.  I am a firm believer in getting a baby into this world in the safest possible way, and if the best way to accomplish healthy baby/healthy mama is by C-Section, great.  But my last (and only) experience with a C-section was, to be honest, awful.  I hated everything about it.  I couldn't see my baby be born, I was strapped to a table, unable to move and couldn't even feel my arms.  I didn't feel safe to hold the twins for hours after they were born because my arms and hands were so numb (and later itchy).  I couldn't sit upright in bed for at least 12 hours after delivery because doing so made me extremely nauseous.  I wasn't allowed to eat for almost 24 hours afterwards.  I was in an incredible amount of pain- more so than anything I've ever experienced, and I couldn't stay on top of it at the hospital.  I went home in lots of pain and experienced horrible side effects from the pain killers I was on.  I was on pain killers much, much longer than any of my other deliveries.  I hate being dependent on anything, especially pain killers.  Taking any of the narcotics was brutal- I needed them to even function, but they made me so dizzy and loopy and tired that I wasn't of much use anyway.  There are more restrictions on C-sections- no lifting of anything besides baby for 6 weeks (including lifting or really even holding kids, which is hard with young children) and no driving.  I really just hated it and never wanted to do it again.  I was Team VBAC for sure.

Up until the last 2 months or so, I was pretty gung-ho about the VBAC happening.  It works well for woman all the time.  Being a "great candidate", it could easily work well for me too!  But as the end got closer and closer, I started thinking (and by thinking, I mean worrying) about the two methods I had to choose from and the pros and cons of each.  A VBAC has some very scary risks- a small chance (about 1%) of the uterus rupturing.  The chance of it happening is so low, but as my doctor told me, it's like a car accident.  It happens so fast- everything is going along great, and then in a split second it all changes.  The uterus starts to erupt and the baby goes into distress extremely quickly, and there is no way to prevent it.  Baby and mom's health and lives are in jeopardy.  The thought that there was no way to prevent that was not a good feeling.

But on the other hand, the thought of another C-section was not a pleasing thought either.  I know how I recover from both types of deliveries and I much prefer the recovery of a "normal" delivery- I do those quite well.  I feel pretty well and recover quite quickly.  C-sections?  Not so much.

What I was really hoping was that as it got closer, I would just know what to do.  Was I really wishing that the heavens would just open and a voice would tell me exactly what to do?  Absolutely.  As the last month came upon us, I started praying very fervently that I would know what to do.  I expressed my feelings on wanting a VBAC as my preferred delivery option, and then waited for weeks to feel that it was the right option.  I never felt one way or the other.  I was getting very discouraged and didn't know what to do.  I really didn't want to do a VBAC and have something go horribly wrong.  Even if baby made it through ok, but I ended up with a hysterectomy at 29, that wasn't good either.  And I definitely didn't want to have my doctor let me be overdue by a week or two, waiting to see if my body would go into labor on its own, only to find out that it wasn't going to happen and have to get a C-section one or two weeks after my due date (misery!) But I just really, really didn't want a c-section.

The last 2 weeks of my pregnancy, I was having at least one doctor appointment a week, if not two.  My doctor was constantly checking me for any progression and I never had any.  I really wasn't surprised, at all, but I have to admit I was praying for a miracle- the miracle of my body going into labor on its own, for the first time.  A few weeks before my due date, and after discussing all of the options with my doctor, we decided to set a c-section date, just in case.  My doctor said it would be wise to get it on the calendar because it would be near impossible to schedule one on short notice later in the game.  He assured me that I could cancel it at any time.  I was glad to have that date on the calendar- I was hoping before it came around to know for sure what I (we) wanted to do.

Just 2 nights before my scheduled C-section, I was completely distraught.  I had spent weeks worrying, wondering, praying and pretty much going crazy about what to do.  I really just wanted to do what I was supposed to do and I wanted to know for sure which way was the "right" way for us.  As Ben and I climbed into bed that night, I spilled all my worries to him.  I was desperately wanting an answer and was not getting one.  Lucky for me, I have an extremely wise and in-tune husband.  We spent well over an hour talking everything through.  Ben helped me realize that my lack of an answer was probably an answer in itself.  I had been praying to know if I should do a VBAC and never felt great about it.  But I was conflicted, as I didn't feel great about the C-section.  Ben helped me realize, again, that perhaps I didn't feel good about it because it was for reasons that weren't the most important.  He understood that I hated my last C-section, which is the reason I didn't want one, but that perhaps a C-section was still the answer because it was the safest way for me to deliver our sweet baby, and not just because of the things I'd have to go through.  After a physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausting conversation, we ended our night on the decision of proceeding forward with a C-section and surprisingly, I felt very calm and ok with that.  I woke up the next morning still feeling ok about it.  A C-section was not what I had wanted, but I knew it was going to be ok and that was the best option for us.   I had a doctor's appointment that morning and when I found out that I hadn't progressed at all, I had our answer confirmed again.  The C-section scheduled for the next morning was a go.  And to be honest, it was so nice knowing that I had less than 24 hours left of being pregnant!


Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Delivery Day! (D-Day)

We had to check in at the hospital (Valley Medical Center- same hospital Chloe was born at!) bright and early at 6:00 a.m.

Last shots of my LARGE pregnant belly- 39.5 weeks

Donning the ever flattering hospital gown.  One size fits all, for sure!

And then we... waited.  And waited.  And waited.  No one even came into our room until at least 7:30 a.m.  Ben and I both said that we could have spent this extra time at home in bed!

The TV monitor welcomed us warmly, though!  We spent our down time watching a movie on Netflix.

Finally someone came back and got an IV going in me (first try, as usual, was unsuccessful.  I have a nice bruise to remember that by).  I had to have a whole bag of fluid pumped into me prior to surgery.  With my bladder already being the size of a pea, that was not pleasant.  I was using the bathroom every 5 minutes for the last hour.

Finally, around 9:00, it was go time.  Ben got dressed in his Operating Room gear- as someone described it, it looked like he was ready for blast off!

We headed down to the OR after that.  Ben had to wait outside while I got my spinal block.  He has always been there with me when I've received my epidurals, so I was really bummed he couldn't be in there with me.  Instead, a very sweet nurse came and stood in front of me and let me rest my head on her shoulder while she massaged my shoulders and talked me through it.  She was really great.  The spinal block took effect within seconds- it was crazy.  They warned me it would.  As soon as the anesthesiologist was done putting it in, they immediately laid me down on the table before I got too numb that I couldn't even lay down.  The surgical nurses did some more prepping on me as I got more and more numb.  Soon, I was completely numb from my chest down.  The nice part was that I could feel my hands and arms this time and didn't have to be strapped down on the table.  The bad part was that I was extremely uncomfortable.  With most of my body numb, it felt like I was laying sideways and my body's natural inclination was to shift to a more comfortable position.  I couldn't move my body at all and instead was just left to think about how uncomfortable I was.  Ben still wasn't in the room yet to distract me from all of the discomfort.

The doctor came in and got busy doing something- I couldn't only feel pressure, but wondered what he was doing with Ben not even in the room yet.  Soon I heard him say "Hey, somebody get Dad in here!"  Ben walked in a minute later and later told me that I was already cut open when he got there.  With him in the room, and knowing we were getting close to baby time, my mind was more easily distracted from my discomfort.  Almost an hour and a half past our scheduled delivery time and lots of tugging and lots of pressure later, I heard the most beautiful cry in the world.  It took my breath away and tears came to my eyes.  Our baby was here!


Olivia Morgan Andros
Born at 9:54 a.m.
Delivered by Dr. Bigler

Getting weighed and measured

9 lbs, 1 oz and 20.5 in long

She was not a happy camper for awhile.  I still hadn't seen her at this point, but could hear her sweet (albeit loud) little cry as I lay waiting on the table.

After getting her cleaned up a bit and diapered, they did her foot prints.


I finally got to see my sweet girl and the nurse took this picture of the 3 of us.  And she was still crying!  I tried to calm her as best I could with just the use of my hands, in an awkward position.
The doctor took quite awhile to sew me back up.  The weird thing this time was that there was some reflective material on the ceiling that when I looked up, I could see what was going on on the other side of my blue protective sheet.  It was grainy and far away and was very clear, but I could definitely tell that I was cut open and that everything was red and bloody.  It actually didn't bother me too much.  And I heard and could see the doctor using a suction to get rid of access blood.  Weird, weird.

I was anxious to be done- my neck and shoulders were in lots of pain.  I don't know if this is normal but it was one of the few parts of my body that I could feel and it seemed that since everything was numb, all of the pressure and weight of my body fell to my neck and shoulders.  I awkwardly tried to massage my own neck with one of my hands while I waited.


Our sweet girl!  She calmed down for a bit when she was all wrapped up and warm again.

When I first got to see her, the first thing I noticed about her were her full cheeks.  They were very soft and very kissable.  While she is a big girl, these pictures make her look much bigger than she is/was in real life.  She looked TINY in real life.

After the doctor was finished putting me back together, he came over and shook my hand and congratulated us.  Then he told me, "It's a good thing we went ahead with the C-section.  When I cut you open, I had to search around to find her.  She was so high up in your pelvis and was caught up in there, almost like there was a ring around her, holding her in.  I don't think she would have ever dropped down on her own." (Meaning she wouldn't have dropped down to start labor on her own, without being induced.  And being induced was not an option for a VBAC).

We didn't know if we'd ever truly know why a C-section was best for us, but upon hearing those words from the doctor, we had our answer as to why.  I didn't get my answer for "what delivery should I do?" by the heaven's opening and hearing a loud voice.  My sweet husband, who was in tune with the Spirit, helped me receive the answer that was best for us in a very still, small voice.  A voice and feeling I would have missed, as I was waiting for something louder and much more direct.  Everything worked out how it was supposed to, to which I am very grateful.  And most importantly, our sweet Olivia was brought into this world safely and very healthy.


We were wheeled back to our recovery room (where we started the morning).

Little O was given her first bath.  I was still laying flat and couldn't see it.  We thought she'd cry, since she was pretty fussy in the Operating Room, but she tolerated it quite well.





We also knew right away that this little lady has RED hair!  With 2 red heads and 2 blondies at home, we were anxious to see what we'd get this time.  Although I still don't have my dark headed baby like I've always wanted (who am I kidding?), I'll take another gorgeous red head any day.  Her hair and Ben's arm hair were twins!


Her first picture with Daddy!

After her bath, she was our sweet, quiet girl.  No more crying for the rest of the day.  I can't even really remember her fussing at all either.  She was very mellow and so extremely sweet.

This about sums it up- chill and calm and so gorgeous.

We spent a few hours in recovery.  I was allowed almost immediately to start eating- a totally different experience than last time.  I had to start off with crackers, but was told I could eat a meal in a few hours if I wanted.  I was also able to sit up in bed.  I took that very slowly, as I didn't want to risk throwing up right after abdominal surgery (ouch!)

Later in the afternoon, we were wheeled to our new room, where we stayed until discharged.  Just like last time, we were given a very tiny room, as is code here with C-sections.  And this room was very old- it was in the old part of the hospital.  This hospital just had a birthing center remodel about 4 years ago, but they out grew it as soon as it was finished.  The nurse told us they deliver about 450 babies a month at this hospital and they just don't have room for everyone in the new, remodeled section.  So the woman who are sliced open have to recover in tiny rooms.  Seems fair, eh? :)

After school, my mom brought the kids by.  These were four very excited and very anxious children.

There just wasn't enough babies to go around for these anxious hands.  We really could have used a set of twins this time! :)

My best baby helper!

He didn't get the brother he's always wanted, but he's pretty smitten with this sweet girl.

My "baby" Lexi with the newest baby.


A proud Grandma!

A treat this time was that my dad got to be here for the first time ever to meet an Andros grand baby right after birth..  He was actually in town on business for meetings this day and the day before.  He was scheduled to fly home the afternoon of the birth and wasn't going to have time to come to the hospital before his flight left.  But when his boss heard that he had a grandchild born that day in the area, he let my dad change his flight to the next day and Dad was able to come and meet Olivia.

Olivia with Grandma and Papa Blakeslee

Group shot!

Me with all 5 of my beautiful children!  I have FIVE!  Wow!

Our first family photo

I always look TERRIBLE right after birth.  My face and nose swell to twice their size during the last bit of pregnancy, and then during labor and delivery, they swell another 2 sizes.  So "first family pictures" are not my favorite because I look so yucky, but it's all for a good cause.  I was also not sitting fully up at this point because I suddenly got very nauseous. 

What a blessed day!  Olivia arrived safely and my C-section experience this go around was already much more positive than last time.  D-Day was a success!  We are so in love with our little angel girl.  We have been blessed beyond measure.